I had a date last night. Don’t get too excited. It wasn’t that great. I was supposed to go out with him over a week ago, but I cancelled on him. I just had no desire at all to go out with him. His profile on the dating site was bland and his picture did nothing for me. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get over being shallow when it comes to appearance. Not that I must have a guy who looks like Gerard Butler, but I do like a clean-looking guy who at least tries to take care of himself. I do find many different types of men attractive though, and what I find attractive, well, someone else may not. That’s just how it works. Different strokes for different folks.
My date, however, was not the type that I usually find attractive. He’s a big boy, which is fine because I’ve dated a few big boys before, and I had no problems being physically attracted to them. The difference is that something about their face, their personalities, or some other thing attracted me to them. Actually I’ve always kind of preferred guys who were stocky or big and tall, because it made me feel protected and safe. When I was with them, I felt like they would protect me.
So last night he sent me a text asking where I wanted to meet. I had already eaten dinner so I asked if we could just meet for a drink somewhere. He replied saying that he wasn’t really into bars. Well that was strike one. Not because I’m a heavy drinker or anything, but I haven’t been able to get out and do much these last few months and it would be nice to go out for a drink with someone. That wasn’t going to happen, so we decided to meet at the city park. It wasn’t something I wanted to do at all, but I felt guilty for cancelling on him the first time and he had driven a half hour to meet me. While I was driving to meet him at the park I kept thinking, “I really don’t feel like doing this. I’d rather just be at home watching tv.” My sister told me before I left that I needed to go be social. I didn’t really see how meeting a complete stranger in a park at night was being social, but I went anyway.
Big Boy was there waiting for me when I got there. I put on my happy face and tried my best to be social. We sat down at a picnic table to talk. As we were talking though I noticed that his eyes kept drifting down, and he kept scooting closer. Every time he moved closer my body would tense up and I think he finally noticed. He did make me laugh a little, but I’m not sure if it was more of a nervous laugh, or because he was being funny. He made several comments about how he was very giving and affectionate, and how he would do this or that, “you know, if it ever got to that point.” He was talking about sex of course. As you all know, I love sex, but I prefer not to talk too much about it openly like that on a first date. I’m a changed woman, and now I want to get to know someone first. I just sort of half smiled and ignored his comments on the subject.
About an hour into our conversation I told him I needed to get going. He walked me to my truck, and kept talking to me. I just wanted to go home. He hugged me and tried to give me a kiss, but I pulled away. I said goodbye and left. It was pretty much what I expected. It only reinforced my lack of desire to date now. The men around here just aren’t appealing to me.
Since I’m talking about what I find appealing…I’d like to say that sometimes even I am surprised by who I am attracted to. I’m really surprised when I look back at some of my past lovers. I can’t help but think, “What the hell was I thinking? He’s not even attractive.” On the other hand though, sometimes I’m attracted to guys who are generally considered to be handsome, but just not my usual type.
Take my new boss, Wildman, for example. I’ve known him for probably ten years. The Preacher met him when they first moved here, and he installed the sound system in the Preacher’s church that he had here. Over the years my dad came to consider him a friend, and the Preacher, my mother, and I even had dinner with Wildman and his wife once. I just knew him through the Preacher though, and didn’t really know much about him. I did know that for some reason I found him very attractive. He’s definitely not what I normally like. He’s got crazy long hair, and that’s something I usually hate. (Oh, before I go any further here…I want you to know that I adore him and his wife and I would never make any moves on him. He’s married and my boss.) I guess my point is just that sometimes I don’t even understand why I find someone attractive. I just do.
On that note, I will say goodnight. I have to get up early tomorrow so that I can have time to practice my guitar. I bought a beautiful new baby blue electric guitar, and now I just have to learn to play it. Playing the bass guitar has always been easy for me, but those two extra strings and the damn chords are working on my nerves. I’ll get it though. I bought a DVD that will teach me.