Top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested

1.  Public intoxication

Actually this one probably happened on a regular basis a few years ago.  However, my sister rarely drinks anymore, and I only drink when I’m out with Teacher.  So we’ll reserve this one for holidays such as Halloween, St. Patty’s Day, and New Years Eve.

Sunday night (Cinco de Mayo) when I was with Teacher I did drink several beers by the fire.  He told me later that he could tell I was getting a little drunk.  I asked how he could tell and he said I “get cuter.”  Hehe. 

2.  Driving while under the influence

As you all know I already had my little run in with the law over this one and I do not want a repeat of that.  Twenty-two hours with Big Bertha in a freezing cold, overly bright jail cell was plenty for me.

3.  Driving like a drunk granny

Last night as Fallen Angel, Little Bubba, and I were coming back from dinner we got pulled over.  She and I both said, “What’d we do?!”  She wasn’t speeding.  Her tag isn’t expired.  We had no idea.  To make things worse, Little Bubba was in the back seat and he said, “Mommy I’m scared.”  (Unfortunately he had acted up all night & I jokingly told him that if he didn’t behave I’d call the cops.  Bad idea.)  I had to reassure him several times after that the cop/sheriff’s deputy was the “good guy.”

Evidently, per the sheriff’s deputy, she was “driving 10 mph under the speed limit and weaving.”  Her truck has rattled lately and it sounds like a raccoon is under the hood, so she’s been trying to take it easy and not drive too fast.  She told the deputy that was why she was going so slow.  He said that was ok, but she was also weaving and he just wanted to make sure she was alright.  He also said “it’s your lane and if you want to use it all then that’s fine.”  (The funny thing is that I tell her all the time that she weaves too much, but she never believes me.  Finally I have proof!  LOL)

He let us go on our merry way after that.

4.  Failure to pay outstanding traffic tickets

This one seems to plague me and Fallen Angel.  She got a ticket last year for having an expired inspection sticker, and to my knowledge she never took care of it.  Of course I still have a couple of tickets that I’ve got to pay from when I was living in the Big Easy.  That was another reason we both sort of panicked when she got pulled over last night.

5.  Cavorting with 17-year-old boys

This one goes back to last year when I was talking to a guy from OKCupid.com.  His profile said he was 18, but he turned out to be only 17.  Once I found out, I quickly put a stop to any and all sexy talk and receiving of pictures from him.  The threat of jail time was enough to scare me straight, and it prompted me to change my search to only guys 24 years old and up.

That wasn’t my first encounter with a 17-year-old though.  Back when I was 22 I had a one-niter with my cousin’s co-worker.  I didn’t know the guy was only 17 until after the dirty deed was done.  I also didn’t know he was a virgin until it was too late.  We live and learn, as the old saying goes.

So there’s my list of the top 5 reasons why the Preacher’s Daughters might get arrested.  Thankfully I’ve only been arrested once, and my sister has yet to make that dreaded call to the Preacher from a jail cell at 2:00 am.  Hopefully she never will, because if she does…I’m not bailing her ass out of jail.  Not after the way she’s been treating me lately.  By the way, she’s still being a bitch from hell.

Our mother and aunt are set to arrive tomorrow.  It’s going to be a little Mother’s Day visit.  The only thing I’m looking forward to is taking them all out to dinner Saturday night.  No, I’m not looking forward to paying, but I am looking forward to having them meet Teacher and hear him perform.  His duo is playing that night at the restaurant we’re going to.  Hehe.  See, I’m still capable of being a sneaky bitch myself.  Fallen Angel hasn’t completely captured that title.

Happy humping & drive safe!

Burning Love

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher
And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire

Customers of the week

A chubby little girl about 8 or 9 years old came into the store with her dad.  As I was standing at the register I heard someone saying, “Hello?”, and then a few seconds later, again I heard, “Hello?”  This continued for a good minute and a half.  I looked over and the little girl was standing in front of the wall of house phones, picking up each handset one at a time and saying, “Hello?”  After picking up about six of the phones, she said, “Hello?  Oh, hi.”  Umm…who the hell was she talking to?  LOL

The other customer of the week was a nightmare customer.  He came in the door wobbling around, barely able to stand.  He then carefully placed a large black trash bag by the door.  As he walked toward the counter he was trying to tell me what he needed, but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.  Once he got to the counter I understood why.  He was drunker than a teenage girl on spring break.  I could smell the alcohol from five feet away.

I asked him again what he needed, which for me means me saying, “I’m sorry…what???”  What I really wanted to say was, “What the fuck do you want you drunk old man?”  However, my customer service training forbids it.  Instead I patiently waited for him to gather his thoughts and words, and to dig something out of his pocket.  As he fumbled around I began to get nervous and backed up a bit.  He must have noticed because he said, “Don’t be scared.”  That right there…made me scared.

He kept saying something about needing a charger.  I thought he meant he needed a charger for his phone, especially when he pulled out what appeared to be a hot pink old-school type cell phone.  I was wrong, very, very wrong.

He set it on the counter and I picked it up to see what kind of charger it needed.  It didn’t look like any phone charger I had ever seen, so I told him that we would probably have to order a charger for that phone.  Then he said, “Oh, that ain’t no phone.  That there’s a taser.”  Oh, my, God.  I immediately pushed it away from me (on second thought that probably wasn’t the brightest thing to do).  He picked it up and said, “Yeah, this thing has one million volts.  I’ll show you.”  I quickly said, “No, you don’t have to do that! I believe you!”

My pleas did nothing to stop him from demonstrating the awesome power of the pink taser.  He discharged the damn thing within three feet of me.  I jumped back reaching toward the aluminum baseball bat that sits behind the counter.  Fortunately I didn’t have to use it.  I kind of blacked out after he set it off, and I only remember trying to not piss my pants while simultaneously trying to get him the hell out of the store.  I felt like I was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same time.

Once I had managed to order his charger and collect his money and get him the hell out, then I was able to breathe again, but barely.

The next day I told Bossman about the incident and he said that he was going to update the security system and put in a panic button for me.  Well, it’s about damn time, I thought.  Too bad it took me nearly getting tased for him to do it though.  It’s times like that when I really miss my Saturday night special.  Oh well.

And one last thing.  Unfortunately Hamster, my co-worker of nearly a year now has moved on to another better paying, more convenient job.  God bless him.  Now I have no one to accuse me of looking at porn on the company laptop, or ask me who I’m dating this week, or to talk to about customers once they leave the store.  So needless to say, he will be greatly missed.  In honor of Hamster, I’m dedicating this post to him, even though he’ll never know it.

Happy humping & stay safe!

Post St. Patty’s Day Afterglow

[Insert "big balls" joke here.]

St. Patty’s Day is one of my favorite holidays because any holiday that centers around alcohol and acting like a fool is awesome.  St. Patty’s Day in New Orleans is great all by itself, but when I’m with someone who I actually enjoy spending time with, it’s even better.

Last year I was living in New Orleans and spent St. Patty’s Day with Rocketman who turned out to be a freak and a liar, but I still had a good time that night.  I drank until I passed out and a good time was had by all.  To me that equals a successful St. Patty’s celebration.

This year was a little different.  I still spent it in New Orleans, but this time I was actually with a decent guy.  We hung out, went and saw a great band at a really cool bar, and drank lots of incredibly good beer.  I was a very happy girl.  Good beer, good guy, good music.  It doesn’t get better than that.

The guy that I went with shall forever after be called…hmmm…damn, Musicman is already taken.  Let’s call him Teacher.  He’s a music teacher, hence the name, and so far we have tons in common, can talk about anything, and the physical attraction is definitely there.

So Teacher and I had our third date Saturday, and it turned into our fourth I suppose, because I didn’t get back home until late Sunday night.  Now I’m back home, back to work, and ready for my fifth date with Teacher on Friday night.   Until then…

Happy humping!

Waiting to exhale

Cheesy title I know, but it really describes how I feel.  It seems like I’m always waiting on something so I can just breathe.  Like now, I’m waiting to find out what is going to happen with this house, my sister, my friend, my life in general.  “Lost” doesn’t even begin to cover where I’m at in life right now.

Growing up I always had people trying to control me and my life, and even though I cherish my freedom and independence, I feel a little lost when I don’t have someone there trying to control everything for me.

My sister went up to look at that house this weekend, and it turns out that it’s not something that is going to work out for her.  So now we have to find a new plan.  She would stay here, but my boss told her that he’s selling his building and she has to be out by the end of the month.  She was renting an office space from him because her job allows her to telecommute, but she has to have fast internet access, and we don’t have that here at the house.  That leaves her with two options, find a new office to rent, or go ahead and move back to our home state and find a place there where she can set up a new office.

Moving back to our home state was always her plan B, and it seems that now it may be her only option because she got a call from the realtor today.  The woman who looked at the house a couple of weeks ago called and now she wants to bring her husband to come and look at it.  We already know that the woman loves the house, and if the hubby likes it the realtor thinks that they will go ahead and make an offer.  If they do decide to buy the house they want to move in thirty days after the papers are signed.  So we could be homeless in less than two months if things move fairly quickly.

I did some house hunting online, just for the hell of it, and found a really cute “Anne of Green Gables” style house in our home state not too far from where our parents are living now.  It has a horse barn and pasture for my sister’s herd, and it even has a little old general store building on the property.  I would be happy just turning that into my own little cottage.  If we can sell this house then I think I’ve almost got my sister talked into buying that one, or at least taking a look at it.  I don’t relish the idea of being tethered to my sister and nephew for the rest of my life, but the idea of moving back to my homeland, Alabama the Beautiful, and it is a beautiful state, somehow comforts me.

The other thing I feel like I’ve been waiting on is my friend, the one who I was supposed to go see the weekend before last.  He sent me a text a week ago telling me that he had been having phone problems but was back home.  He didn’t say anything else.  A couple of days ago I sent him a text just saying hi.  He never responded.  I guess I should go ahead and return the gift that I’ve carried around in the trunk of my car for over a week now.

I understand that if he’s having a family crisis then he probably doesn’t have time for long conversations with me or anything, but he could at least let me know he’s ok.  Then again, if he can’t even talk to me about things when he going through something like that, then he must not really consider me a friend after all.  Maybe all I ever was to him was just an occasional bed buddy.  It’s too bad, because I make a really good friend and listener too.

I kept promising to explain why I shouldn’t move back to New Orleans, and I guess now is as good a time as any.  It will also connect some of the dots above.  Since my friend isn’t showing much interest and he’s one of the main reasons I wanted to go back to NOLA, now I don’t have much reason at all to move back there.  There are other more important reasons though.

First of all, my little DWI experience back in 2010 came back to bite me in the ass.  I completed all my classes and paid my fines and everything, but I failed to pay off some other unrelated fines to get my physical drivers license back.  When I was living in NOLA I got pulled over one day and got a ticket for a whole list of offenses, and honestly I lucked out because the cop could have taken me back to jail right then, but he didn’t.  Unfortunately the ticket turned out to be over a thousand dollars and I missed my court date because I had to work.  So now I have no license and can’t get one until all that is paid off.  Another problem that came of all that is that I think I have bench warrants out on me, so me taking a chance by being in NOLA is probably a very bad idea.

To top it all off, Manwhore is still there in NOLA and supposedly getting married again in December, and he’s the last person I want to run into.  He also knows about my dirty little DWI secret.  Depending on which side of the bipolar tree he’s swinging from on any particular day, he might just turn me in for the fun of it.  So you can probably understand my trepidation there.

Since I have a whole list of reasons why I shouldn’t move back to NOLA, and very few reasons why I should, I think I’ll just appreciate the time that I did get to spend there, and leave it in my past where it belongs.

Just so you know, and so I don’t feel like a complete liar, I’ll tell you only that someone from my past has popped up again.  I don’t want to say who just yet.  It’s someone who I have very conflicted feelings about…someone who I like, but who also scares me.  Once I sort out some of my feelings on the whole situation, I’ll try to share them in more detail.  Until then…

Happy humping!