Bedtime Stories

I had resorted back to trolling Plenty of Fish a month or so ago, purely out of boredom.  It possibly has to do with the fact that I had stopped taking my hormone medicines, but continued to take my Wellbutrin (or as I like to call them, my happy pills).  I originally started taking the happy pills because I read on a forum for premature ovarian failure that a side effect of Wellbutrin can be increased libido.  Luckily for me, it worked.

Also my moods have been a bit wonky lately, and the hot-flashes have started back.  It happens every time I stop taking my hormones.  Another awful side effect is that I’m tired a lot, but that could also because I’ve had crazy dreams lately and have not been sleeping well.  The dreams that I have had are usually sexual in nature.  They never have the same people in them though.  In one dream I found myself in bed with Stephan & Klaus from The Vampire Diaries.  I really don’t understand why they were there.  I’d rather have Damon & Caroline in my bed.  Anyway…

My raging libido and lack of a steady sexual outlet is making my mind go into turbo slut mode again.  All I can think about is sex.  It’s terrible.  I can’t focus on anything for very long without my mind wandering off into the gutter.  It doesn’t even take much to get me there either.  I’ve found myself staring at my bosses ass wondering why he doesn’t wear tighter jeans, gazing at the adorable blonde boy from the AT&T store next door as he walks to his car for lunch, and even flirting with every other guy who comes in to the store.  Granted, I’ve sold the shit out of some stuff lately, but I’m sure to the women, I’m just coming across as a big ol’ hoe.

Even my boss seems to think I have issues.  A couple of weeks ago he, my co-worker Hamster, and I were talking about my dad being a player, and my boss said, “So that’s where you get it from.”  Not that my boss has any room to talk.  From what I’ve been told, he’s been quite the player himself.  However, even though I have no desire to play home-wrecker, I can’t seem to keep myself from daydreaming about him.  Playing the player possibly.  I don’t even find him that attractive…well, until his ass is right there in front of me, then I can’t help but notice how nice it is.  Believe me, I’ve tried to stop these thoughts from entering my consciousness.  It’s just not working.  I don’t even think I’d ever act on them, even if he initiated something, but just that the thoughts are there bothers me.

My boss comes across as a prick a lot of the time, but then there are times when he’s really nice and playful.  Yesterday I couldn’t help but notice the stream of cute young guys that kept coming in, and all I could do

Uncommon Whore

Usually my job consists mainly of answering the phone, scheduling appointments, keeping the store clean and tidy, helping customers that wander in, and sitting on my ass playing on the computer the rest of the time.  It’s a pretty good job.

The answering the phone part is no big deal, except when the occasional pervert or extreme redneck calls.  There’s one guy who had us install a television projector system at his weekend home.  According to my sources, it’s used mainly for watching porn.  He has four channels on his satellite service that shows nothing but porn 24/7.  That has to be expensive.  Anyway, he called about a month ago because the bulb went out in his projector and he needed it fixed before the upcoming weekend.  Unfortunately we had to order the bulb and it was going to take longer.  He called me about every other day asking if it had come in yet.  Every time he called, before he’d hang up, he’d ask, “What was your name again?”  I would tell him, again.  Then he would say in the creepiest voice, “Hehe, I like that name.”  I swear I could hear banjos in the background.  It gives me the willies every time I think about it.

He called the store one day and said that he just had to have it fixed before the weekend because he was having a big “Olympics” party.  I didn’t know they had a jack-off competition in the Olympics.  Anyway, we got it fixed in time for his big “party.”

So far at this job I’ve had two marriage proposals and a whole slew of creepy guys come in who like to call me baby and honey.  I deemed last Thursday “Preachers and Pimps” Day due to the fact that I had to deal with entirely too many of each that day.  Actually it was difficult to tell which was which sometimes.  It’s usually the preachers and car salesmen who I get mixed up.  They share such similar personality traits.

The highlight of my week though was on Tuesday.  I was behind the counter because a customer had just left.  A man walked through the door.  He was in his early forties, dark curly hair, bright brown eyes, and handsome.  I always greet people when they come in, so I said my usual, “Hello. Can I help you find something?”  He looked at me and smiled as he walked toward me.  When he got up to the counter he said hello and kept smiling.  I think I kind of gave him a confused look, because I was definitely a little confused, and finally he said, “Hi Ginger, it’s me, Harry.”

“Um, oh, hi Harry.”  I was still confused, but eventually it hit me that he was a guy who I had talked to on Plenty of Fish.  Yep, I’m back on that hell hole of a dating site.  I’m not sure why, other than just because I’m bored as hell here.  So once I figured out who he was and got over my state of shock we talked a bit between customers coming in.  He asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him one day and I said that would be fine.  Then he apologized for surprising me like he did, and he left.

It took me a while to figure out how he even knew where I worked because I didn’t remember ever telling him.  I saw where I had mentioned working at the music store in town and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out where that is since there’s only one in town.  Well, at least he was better looking than in his picture online and he seemed nice enough.

Wednesday we went to the local sushi restaurant for lunch.  I was on a tight schedule and only had an hour to talk and eat lunch, so I was trying to keep an eye on the time.  We didn’t really talk about anything too deep during that hour, just chatted really.  Then about five minutes before I had to leave to go back to work he looked down at the table and said, “I guess I ought to just lay it all out shouldn’t I?”  I gave him an “Oh God, here it comes” look, and said “Ok” and held my breath waiting for him to tell me he was an ex-con or something.

He then went into this whole story about how he had separated from his wife earlier this year and then moved in with his girlfriend.  Then his house flooded and they moved in with his wife and kids, because he had bought the house so why shouldn’t he live there…and the girlfriend left him two weeks ago and he was still getting over it all.  All the while, still living with his (soon to be ex) wife and kids and remodeling his flooded house next door.  Yeah, I know.  It sounded like one big “OMG WTF run like hell” red flag.  I tried to be nice and calm about it all though, because I know from experience that fucked up things can happen to good people, but…I’m not that naïve…anymore.

So my knee-jerk instinct was to tell him that I wasn’t looking for anything serious now and I hoped things worked out for him.  Before his little admission, I would have thought him great boyfriend material (handsome, funny, smart, and successful), after it though, he became just a bad taste in my mouth.  Maybe that was just the wasabi.  Either way, I was no longer interested.

He has texted me randomly since our lunch date.  I didn’t hear from him yesterday and thought that maybe he had forgotten about me and I wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with him.  No such luck.  He sent me a text today that said, “Hey…miss ginger. I just want u to know I have been thinking about u ” and then “Mostly dreaming about u.”  First of all, I don’t know how to reply to something like that.  If I reply “Thanks” or “That’s nice” then I end up sounding like a cold-hearted bitch.  If I tell him that was sweet, then I feel like I’m leading the poor guy on.  It’s a no-win situation, so I just said “hi.”

He started asking if we could see each other again and I decided I had to nip it in the bud.  I told him flat-out that I didn’t want any crazy wives or ex-girlfriends coming after me, and I asked why he just didn’t try to work things out with the girlfriend.  He replied, “I did.. but I’m over her now. ”  Then I knew I was in trouble.  The smiley-wink gave it away.  He was smitten and I was fucked.  So I told him again that I wasn’t looking for anything serious now and didn’t want to hang out with him and then a week later he decide that he’s getting back together with his wife or girlfriend.  I was trying to run this guy off, but he wasn’t biting.  His reply?  “I have been thinking about u a lot. I don’t want a one nighter!”  Crap.

Now for the kicker.  I haven’t had sex in six months!  Count them!  SIX months!  I’m horny as hell and am nearing my breaking point.  Yet, I just don’t seem to have it in me to use this guy as my “dick in a jar” and break the glass.  Why, you ask?  It’s because I’m holding out for something better.  It’s not that he’s not sexy, he’s just not the one that I want.

What the hell is wrong with me?!  I can’t remember ever having this problem before.  In the past I could always block things out of my mind and at the very least just use a guy to meet my physical needs when necessary.  Shit.  I think something’s broken.

Happy humping!

Date Night

Gerard Butler

I had a date last night.  Don’t get too excited.  It wasn’t that great.  I was supposed to go out with him over a week ago, but I cancelled on him.  I just had no desire at all to go out with him.  His profile on the dating site was bland and his picture did nothing for me.  It seems that no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get over being shallow when it comes to appearance.  Not that I must have a guy who looks like Gerard Butler, but I do like a clean-looking guy who at least tries to take care of himself.  I do find many different types of men attractive though, and what I find attractive, well, someone else may not.  That’s just how it works.  Different strokes for different folks.

My date, however, was not the type that I usually find attractive.  He’s a big boy, which is fine because I’ve dated a few big boys before, and I had no problems being physically attracted to them.  The difference is that something about their face, their personalities, or some other thing attracted me to them.  Actually I’ve always kind of preferred guys who were stocky or big and tall, because it made me feel protected and safe.  When I was with them, I felt like they would protect me.

So last night he sent me a text asking where I wanted to meet.  I had already eaten dinner so I asked if we could just meet for a drink somewhere.  He replied saying that he wasn’t really into bars.  Well that was strike one.  Not because I’m a heavy drinker or anything, but I haven’t been able to get out and do much these last few months and it would be nice to go out for a drink with someone.  That wasn’t going to happen, so we decided to meet at the city park.  It wasn’t something I wanted to do at all, but I felt guilty for cancelling on him the first time and he had driven a half hour to meet me.  While I was driving to meet him at the park I kept thinking, “I really don’t feel like doing this.  I’d rather just be at home watching tv.”  My sister told me before I left that I needed to go be social.  I didn’t really see how meeting a complete stranger in a park at night was being social, but I went anyway.

Big Boy was there waiting for me when I got there.  I put on my happy face and tried my best to be social.  We sat down at a picnic table to talk.  As we were talking though I noticed that his eyes kept drifting down, and he kept scooting closer.  Every time he moved closer my body would tense up and I think he finally noticed.  He did make me laugh a little, but I’m not sure if it was more of a nervous laugh, or because he was being funny.  He made several comments about how he was very giving and affectionate, and how he would do this or that, “you know, if it ever got to that point.”  He was talking about sex of course.  As you all know, I love sex, but I prefer not to talk too much about it openly like that on a first date.  I’m a changed woman, and now I want to get to know someone first.  I just sort of half smiled and ignored his comments on the subject.

About an hour into our conversation I told him I needed to get going.  He walked me to my truck, and kept talking to me. I just wanted to go home.  He hugged me and tried to give me a kiss, but I pulled away.  I said goodbye and left.  It was pretty much what I expected.  It only reinforced my lack of desire to date now.  The men around here just aren’t appealing to me.

Since I’m talking about what I find appealing…I’d like to say that sometimes even I am surprised by who I am attracted to.  I’m really surprised when I look back at some of my past lovers.  I can’t help but think, “What the hell was I thinking?  He’s not even attractive.”  On the other hand though, sometimes I’m attracted to guys who are generally considered to be handsome, but just not my usual type.

Take my new boss, Wildman, for example.  I’ve known him for probably ten years.  The Preacher met him when they first moved here, and he installed the sound system in the Preacher’s church that he had here.  Over the years my dad came to consider him a friend, and the Preacher, my mother, and I even had dinner with Wildman and his wife once.  I just knew him through the Preacher though, and didn’t really know much about him.  I did know that for some reason I found him very attractive.  He’s definitely not what I normally like.  He’s got crazy long hair, and that’s something I usually hate.  (Oh, before I go any further here…I want you to know that I adore him and his wife and I would never make any moves on him.  He’s married and my boss.)  I guess my point is just that sometimes I don’t even understand why I find someone attractive.  I just do.

On that note, I will say goodnight.  I have to get up early tomorrow so that I can have time to practice my guitar.  I bought a beautiful new baby blue electric guitar, and now I just have to learn to play it.  Playing the bass guitar has always been easy for me, but those two extra strings and the damn chords are working on my nerves.  I’ll get it though.  I bought a DVD that will teach me. 

Happy humping & rock on!

Living in the Bermuda Triangle of Dating

I think I’ve moved right into the middle of the Bermuda Triangle of the dating world.  So not only is this tiny town one of the most boring and depressing places to live, it also causes one to lose any hope of ever having a decent dating life.  Since I’ve lived here a few specific things have caused me to believe this.

1. The quality of men is well below average, and by “men” I refer to those in an age bracket of 18 to 55 and single (not separated or “it’s complicated”, whatever the hell that means).  I’m sure that for the women who have grown up here or in a 100 mile radius, the “quality” is just fine, but for someone like myself, it’s just not plausible to have a relationship with any of them.  The men here are either extreme rednecks, religious nuts, creepy in a “what are you hiding in your basement?” kind of way, or just your average meth-heads.
2. The other things I’ve noticed is that even when I try to bring one in from out-of-town, the only one’s willing to come here to meet me are from here originally.  That’s a problem because even though they may really like me, once they mention me to their family or friends, they are warned to stay away, and they are never to be heard from again.  Evidently my father’s reputation follows me even in his absence.
3. As I said above, the only men willing to come here are from here originally.  The ones in nearby cities that I’ve talked to seem to disappear before even meeting me.  I’ve had several men who I’ve talked to and thought might pan out into at the very least a promising date, but then they just…disappear.  Normally I wouldn’t find this odd.  It happens a lot in the online dating world, but not to all of them.  Even the ones who were eager to go out with me seem just vanish without a trace, and without reason or explanation.

So my dating efforts have come to a complete halt.  I decided not to waste any more of my time or energy on trying to meet someone here because I doubt very much that I’ll be here for much longer.  My sister and I have decided to give up the fight and just let the house go.  We can’t afford to keep it ourselves, and as usual, the Preacher isn’t helping any.  We gave it our best, but it’s just not going to ever work.  Unless we can sell the house and land within the next sixty days or so, the bank will foreclose and we will have to move out and move on.

Personally I’ll be so happy to get out of this house and this town before it sucks the life and joy completely out of me.  I’ve never lived in a more depressing, corrupt, dismal place.  To outsiders it may look like Mayberry meets Little House on the Prairie, but in all actuality it’s just the entrance to hell guarded over by corrupt, backstabbing, gossiping, hypocritical, right-wing, white-collar drug dealers and murderers.  Sound a little over dramatic?  I’m sure it does.  The truth is usually far worse than fiction though.

Happy humping!

35 Reasons you might be rejected by the Preacher’s Daughters

These are all based on real men whom Fallen Angel and I have either:  gone out on at least one date with, talked to, or have been contacted by on dating websites.  A couple of these I actually married, but later divorced.  This is only the tip of the iceberg though.  My sister and I were able to rattle off this list in about fifteen minutes.  As we listed them I typed it into my phone.  I plan on adding more to it as time goes on, and as the memories return to us.

1. Pretty but dumb as a box of rocks
2. No ambition
3. Poor
4. Player
5. Acts like a twelve-year-old
6. Ball-less
7. Doesn’t own a car and lives outside of a major city
8. Sends four texts for every one you send
9. Admits on his profile to being molested, and outs his sister as also being molested as a child
10. Secretly gay
11. Raised by the mafia
12. Con artist
13. You ask for a hammer and he hangs up on you
14. Not mechanically inclined
15. Atheist
16. Too religious
17. Just got out of prison
18. Crazy baby mama
19. Crazy ex-wife/girlfriend
20. Has too many kids by too many women
21. Has too many kids
22. Gets high too much
23. Too much facial hair
24. Needs more facial hair
25. Doesn’t shower on a daily basis
26. Spends four nights a week playing pool at bars, yet doesn’t drink or gamble
27. Lives with parents/family
28. Talks too much
29. Excessive drinking
30. Superhero syndrome
31. Posts on profile that he’s “in a relationship”
32. Has his girlfriend/wife message you on the dating site requesting “group fun”
33. Extreme mood swings
34. Unacceptable in bed (dick too big, too small, too kinky, not kinky enough, selfish, or just sucks in bed)
35. Pedophile

Created using Out of Milk, http://outofmilk.com/android

If you would like to know more about any particular one, or if you agree with Fallen Angel that we should add the full stories and turn it into a book, please leave us a comment below.   I’m trying to lure her into the world of blogging, so any help would be much appreciated.

Happy humping!